We will... IF

We will hire a dozen of maids to sit around the house and just to polish half of our leather shoes. They can just sleep anytime they like, go out anytime they like as long as they come back home. If they all look like this instead of our standard maids:

Pole-shining time, mastah?

We will sin badly and go to Hell, willingly being whipped day in day out. We choose mass murderer as our profession and slit every single passerby's throat at any given chance during the night. If all the devils down there are like her instead of what you get in Constantine:

We devils are cam-whores too

We will date more nerds and bimbos, even to the point they irritate us to near-death every single day. We will answer all their stupid questions, help them to even sharpen their pencils if they don't know how. If only they look like these instead of those we see with their noses in their books in the library:

Hey, title's English content's Russian.

Uhuk uhuk, I got new doorbells

We will be the hardest working employees in the company, never take MC, always the first to arrive and the last to leave, and the most loyal employee till our retirement. If only our colleagues look like this instead of covering themselves up from head to toe.

Oh not now, I'm underdressed

We will purposely get sick during the weekends (so we'll still be able to go to work; read above). We will drink whatever bollocks to make us sick and check ourselves into the nearest hospital. If only every nurse looks like this instead of our usual aunty-like nurses.

Where do you wanna stick it up me?

Finally we will marry a woman that threatens us every single second that she'll shoot our balls off if we ever look at another woman. Even if she shoot us once or twice in the ass for the same offence. If only the woman looks like this.

Look at me or I'll shoot your family jewels off

And we will be glad to be fathers if only the little girls are this cool:

Screw you, dad.


In reality.. we really won't do any of the above cos we know what's wishful thinking. True.