Sep 29, 2008

What The Fuck???

Ran out of my usual 3-in-1 Nescafe Gold so have to kling klong the coffee powder. I remember the last time I made coffee using Nescafe's coffee powder was about a month ago. Somehow, something happened to my beloved kopi.. whether the container's fault or my fault I don't know. Guess how surprised I am to find my coffee powder looking like this:




Looks normal from outside? When I open it, it looks very wrong like a child born to a female orc from Lord of The Rings and fathered by Smeagol/Gollum.



My black coffee powdah.. turned grey. Yeah, silverish grey like concrete. MCB. When I lift the spoon up, even worse. Now it doesn't look like concrete, it FEELS like concrete.



See it in full glory on the roof having its sun tan. Should I keep it? Rarely get something like this, probably I'll wait to see if it'll do a Gandalf (grey to white).



KNN. Waste me another 10 bucks and 15 mins walk to get a new bottle and the bloody 7-11 doesn't sell any 3-in-1. My coffee FTW.

Today is my sistah's bird day... exactly 2 months later than mine. Happy bird day old lady. Hope you can trade your extra wrinkles for foreign currency. Your husband is rich enough to supply you with your endless LV goods so don't come asking anything from this poor guy.

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Sep 27, 2008

NAMECUT

I haz a new site for me namecard designs. Itiz called NAMECUT. Sikit sikit example of how to go around customizing your own cards at NAMECUT.



Lai lai hop over and take a look. Click the "NAMECUT" above the pic or the button on the upper right corner of this bollog. Tengkiumanymuj.

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Sep 26, 2008

Fake BB Danger

Think twice before pumping them up next time. You don't want your assets to go boom boom on you, ladies.








For once I carried a bag for a lady.


Tumpang glamour her LV lol.

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Sep 25, 2008

Music: Past & Present

Was bored and not even 1% sleepy last nite so was cracking my head to dig back old music from early till late 90s to download. I ended up with something funny. AQUA and their "Aquarium" album. Don't know? Nevermind. Here are artists that I've followed for a couple of albums. Don't really have a passion for screaming bastards except for a couple of tracks, so yeah, not really a very very heavy metal type of music for me. And I usually will backtrack to an artist/band's earlier albums.

First well, Bon Jovi. If you really don't know "Always", I got nothing to say. Backtrack and got some of their older albums. From there, it was The Offspring. Started with "Come Out & Play" and I bought their next album; Ixnay On The Hombre, then Americana. Still following their new albums although Conspiracy of One was downloaded. Shh.






Moved on to Metallica after I heard Memory Remains and starts backtracking to their more glorious tracks and albums. Been buying almost all their albums (Load, Reload, S&M, St. Anger) although not very impressed with St. Anger. Dropped like a sack of potatoes.




Before I leave the final year of secondary school, another friend told me about MM; Marilyn Manson. First thought "Is that a girl?". So went and bought a copy of Antichrist Superstar. HOOKED like a crack addict. Heck, back then to me the sound Manson & his band was playing is beyond god-like.




Early 2000, I bought this capalang mixed-artists metal album cos I was intrigued by the names on the album. Buckcherry with one of their old songs which I can't remember what the title is. Ya, Josh Todd didn't just come out of nowhere with "Sorry" ok? And there was Korn with Trash, still a follower of Korn's stuffs.




Coal Chamber was in the CD too. The moment "Loco" played, its like.. um.. epic orgasm? Though the song is about 1-2 years old by then. I still listen to it nowadays, along with "Fiend" and the funnily-titled "Shock The Monkey" featuring the epic Ozzy Osbourne. They eventually disbanded and the lead singer, Dez Fafara, formed Devildriver which I have followed for 2 albums.




Not really into the lyrics or vocals but more into Johnny B's drums (go YouTube "Clouds Over California" or "These Fighting Words"). Meh, I miss watching Nadja Peulen on bass.. so much tastier than Rayna. Slipknot Slipknot Slipknot! First time I heard of them, I don't know, did I download or was it in the CD too? They were weird at first, 8 masked guys. People=Shit then I got Wait & Bleed etc etc. Only started to sort of tidy up their stuffs starting from Subliminal Verses album and now I only got Psychosocial from their latest album.







After that I heard Nobody's Real by Powerman 5000. Don't know if they're still around or not. Still listen to their older tracks like Bombshell, Supernova Goes Pop, Free, etc. About a year or two later I found out the lead singer, Spider, sounds like someone. More on that later.





Saw Kid Rock's Bawitdaba on MTV and bought his Devil Without A Cause. Still following till today (Cocky, that album with American Bad Ass in it, Kid Rock). From Kid Rock sorta come Ah Lim Biskut... Limp Bizkit that was on that mixed CD with Nookie. Onwards to their Chocolate Starfish album but then their next album was... hopeless (the one James Iha replaced Wes Borland on guitar), and finally Wes Borland left the band (I heard he's back, dunnoh).




I heard someone with vocals almost similar to Spider from Powerman 5000. It turned out to be ROB ZOMBIE. I was, no doubt, went crazy on my The Sinister Urge album, playing it till who knows how many times a day. Backtracking to his older stuffs during White Zombie days, I still find his line-up with Riggs, Blasko, and Tempesta is the one that suits my ears. After Educated Horses and then he started directing movies. Mehh, prolly no more albums from me favorite artist. And oh yeah, why do they sound the same? Cos he's Spider's brother. Serious.



Randy burned me a CD which contains a song called Pig Society. When I played it, that was one of the songs in the capalang CD I bought in early 2000. Its by Dope from Felon & Revolutionnaires album. Epic orgasm, again. From there onwards, there's always Dope on my playlist. Life, Group Therapy, American Apathy, American Apathy Reloaded (I lost their updated version of Burn and Fuck Tha Police). Even their demo "Little Fish" that has been revamped for American Apathy titled "Fuck The World".





Dope. Them good. Too bad Racci Shay left. That's all for now. Some bands are not to be placed in the list as they usually involve a single track, or disbanded after a while. I got some older bands like Guns N Roses, Led Zeppelin, Pearl Jam, AC/DC, Scorpion, Motley Crue, Iron Maiden, and even Elvis. I swear I'm gonna use a flamethrower on whoever that stole my Motley Crue's Greatest Hits CD. It just went POOF. Dammit.


So what's your past and present for music?

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Kotexman Ep.1

Crime rate is escalating in one of the smaller cities in The Chee Bye Empire, AV City (Auntie Visit City). The Messiah has decided to train a new superhero to fight crime around the Empire, especially in AV City. Chee byes & germs, the world premiere of...

KOTEXMAN








Next episode: The birth of Kotexman & Period Man

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Sep 24, 2008

As LOL as LOLnaldo

Cheesus Kryst. Its been a long long time since I've read something so sarcastically written, sarcastic till its so damn funny. Usually when you go to football news site what do you expect? Yada yada yada "a glorious cross from X met by a thumping header by Y" or "A keeps his faith in B and hopes that bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch". This is different. I'll quote the funny part just to keep it short.

Quoted from: Soccernet
Title: "Fifth official: The last look at the weekend"
Writer: The Fifth Official
Synopsis: Talking about what happened in England (BPL) over the weekend


Nicolas Anelka's expression after missing from 4 yards
"I bet you could sit him down, tell him he's won £250m on the lottery, been asked out for half a shandy by Scarlett Johansson or that his house had exploded and that sulking-mug wouldn't even offer up a flicker."

Robinho's performance, Man City 6-0 Portsmouth
"
and presumably laughed until he fell over when he found out David James is currently England's number one keeper."

Mike Ashley avoiding the fans, NUFC's managerless team

"Newcastle United's team coach must have a half decent sat-nav system installed because with their management's woeful lack of direction at the minute they'd probably have ended up in Tajikistan had they organised it themselves."

Gianfranco Zola, against Newcastle

"his first game in charge of the 'Appy Ammers was against a rudderless, managerless and clueless club who are the Olympic gold medallists at implosion."

Theo Walcott's hype after hattrick against Croatia
"19-year-old was thrust into the limelight like a pushy mother forcing her goofy daughter to murder another Britney Spears song in front of a sneering reality show panel."

"
articles about how good he was at school, his preferred breakfast or what his other half's favourite soap is."



"wait until he shanks a pen in the quarter-finals of the World Cup then dismantle the kid like he was a sideboard from Ikea. Then it'll be wasted talent this, WAG-obsessed that and before you know it he'll be drinking white spirit and begging outside White Hart Lane*."

Wigan's chairman praising Amir Zaki & Steve Bruce

"Now that is delusion of the highest order. Why doesn't he just go the whole hog and claim Titus Bramble has fulfilled his tag as the most promising defender of his generation?"

Tottenham Hotspurs' recent performance

"Mind you, even Calamity Bramble himself managed to shut out the Spurs and their £30m-worth of attacking talent. Now that is funny."

I lol-ed harder when I read this than how I lol-ed when I watch the replay of Lolnaldo diving and got yellowed.


LOL. I finally got off my lazy fingers and edited...

LOLnaldo. Lol.

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Sep 23, 2008

War 101: 100% Win

Today's lesson is how to win at wars. Hah, you think solely bringing in tua kong weapons and technology can win? Can, but we need to modify the current technology to outwit the enemies. Don't tell me you really think guerilla warfare and desert warfare can use the same tactic? Here are 6 ways to get a 100% sure win result when your country goes to war. But if your army got tapau then don't blame me.









Now who wanna hire me as tactical advisor?


Off topic: Why are some people so afraid of their own name?

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Sep 22, 2008

Murder 101: Simple Weapons

Today limpeh teach you how to lam or kill someone with very simple weapons. No need buy advanced weapons or anything that will attract cops. Want to kill from distance? No problem. These are 5 very advanced methods of killing. Practice hard to master them. I don't guarantee insurance for you.



credits to celestialshivo





Enjoy your new-found powah!

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TCBE Royalty

Introducing The Chee Bye Empire elite members & The Royal Chee Bye family.

The Messiah of CB
Acey

The CB Goddess
Sherry

King of Berudu // Queen of MCHs
W3 & Jen Ai

Prince of Fake CBs // Princess of MCBs
Mesha (gender-confused) & Benjicajess (POM)

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Sep 21, 2008

Na beh...

Tiok liao loh. Kena this Friendster-type of thing already loh from POM.

THE SELF

[01] Name: Raymond
[02] Nickname: Acey, Buffalo
[03] Married: Nope
[04] Zodiac Sign: Leo... lolcats
[05] Gender: Male
[06] Age: 25
[07] High School: SMK Sacred Heart
[08] College: INTI College Subang Jaya
[09] Height: 178cm
[10] Weight: 50kg
[11] Do you like yourself: Weight-wise no, skin-wise very yes
[12] Piercings: None
[13] Right or left: -
[14] Are you a freak: Yes, caffeine & ink-wise
[15] Hair: Black
[16] Skin: Arms & chest - normal, legs & back - black LOL
[17] Allergic: Steel (esp oily ones) and dust
[18] What are you doing now: This bloody thing
[19] What will you do 1 hour later: Eating 2 burgers nomnomnom
[20] What will you do 10 years later: 35, retired... or dead

THE FAMILY
[21] Live with mother/father/parents: No
[22] Siblings(included you): One very old sister
[23] Eldest: Sister
[24] Youngest: Me
[25] Love/hate your family: Somewhere in between

THE LOVE
[26] You found your another half: No
[27] If yes, who is he/she: None
[28] If no, who you want he/she to be: There is only one Nadja Peulen
[29] Time(s) you in relationship: 4
[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): DUH, and what's the 0-10000 thing?
[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): Twice, both weird people... urgh
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: Don't think I did.
[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: None?
[34] Ever argue with your other half: Who don't?
[35] You with your other half since: Has joined the 'monastery' for 7 months
[36] Are you straight/gay: Lesbian... trapped in a guy's body
[37] Reasons you love your other half: Already told you single lor
[38] You and your other half in which stage: Haduih...
[39] You woo he/she or he/she woo you: Haiya...
[40] Ever think of marry he/she: Diu lah

THE FRIENDS
[41] Your first best friend: Albert Toh
[42] Your first enemy: None, I don't have the need to make friends with everyone
[43] The friend you love the most: Chris Chu
[44] The enemy you hate the most(1only): None, if people don't like me then be it
[45] Your most beautiful girl friend: This is hard... Rach? Kay Ti? Andrea? Inderjeet? Angelica?
[46] Your most handsome guy friend: Gemmonn Sim (weird name right?)
[47] The kind of girl you hate the most: "Dahling, this one how? Then that one leh?" USE YOUR FUCKIN BRAIN!
[48] The kind of boy you hate the most: One who tells tall stories and thinks people don't know its bullshit
[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: No way
[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover: No, I haven't seen all 4 of them
[51] If your friend backstabbing you: He/She'll be in a lot of trouble
[52] If your friend betray you: Do they even dare to?
[53] If your friend woo your lover: I got steady friends so I don't worry bout this
[54] If your friend fall in love with you: Er, if girls I don't mind, but guys.. I'd run
[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: Its a HE so I won't

THE STUDIES
[56] Are you a good student: No, I went to college with newspaper only
[57] You always done your homeworks/assignments: Yes, when it comes to final year
[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: Ah Jane.. so damn happening
[59] Always late to school/college: Most of the time no-show cos the sun's too high when I open my eyes
[60] Your class: You can't get any noisier than ours
[61] You love your seniors: Don't really know too many of them
[62] Senior who you love the most: Trincy Teoh, her brain is equivalent to "sot plug"
[63] Your classmates good/bad: Good as in friends, bad as in for the lecturers xD
[64] Excellent result classmate: Kenneth Goh Kambing. Play hard work smart kambing
[65] Laziest classmate: If I put myself next to me in class

THE PEOPLE
[66] Smart people: Alexan Chor
[67] Stupid people: None other than Teteknator
[68] Good looking people: A lot ler donno who to start with
[69] Ugly people: I've seen a lot with ugly 'insides'. If you mean 'yong soi' then me lor LOL
[70] Funny people: Mugu, Teck Soon, Kok
[71] Cute people: Jen Ai... naturally cute LOL
[72] Bad people: Do you include liars?
[73] Honest people: Uma
[74] Acting people: This guy 3 shops away from Chris' PC shop. I donno his name.
[75] You are what kind of people: PMS. Pretty Mean Slut

THE PREFER
[76] Lip or eyes: Can I choose boobies?
[77] Hugs or kisses: What comes after that
[78] Shorter or taller: Taller
[79] Hesitant or spontaneous: Spontaneous
[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice tuakified
[81] Listener or talker: Depending on my volatile mood swings
[82] Romantic or rich: Rich, if you mean myself
[83] Good wife or good mother: What difference does it make? It all still comes back to me duh.

THE FUTURE
[84] Age to get marry: Between 33-35, I don't like to be on a leash
[85] Numbers of kid(s): Don't know, 2 probably?
[86] Career: That's a word in resume to make ppl actually think I'm interested in working for em
[87] Salary: This is a stupid question, the more the better duh.
[88] Retirement age: 35-40
[89] Properties value: I doubt I'll need to go into that, shops probably
[90] Wishes: Question 84-89 will happen 5 years earlier LOL

THE VICTIMS
[91] Spectre
[92] SS
[93] Sue
[94] Muncakes
[95] Sherry
[96] Super Cute Jen Ai
[97] Wet Wet Water
[98] Ah Pek
[99] Tiuniasing
[100] Harry BLP Kia

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Sep 20, 2008

Bullshits

Waking up to a day that throws a lot of bullshits at you?

Book of The Day


Food of The Day
from funnyjunk.com

Drink of The Day

Famous People of The Day

Song of The Day:


Messiah's Mood of The Day

from engrishfunny.com



WHAT THE FUCK?

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