Duduman Became Tutuman

Leng em leng ah?

Soooo flexible

Ahhh, my toes!



For more info on your ballerina, s/he's available at www.speakingtomato.com

So You Want Traffic?

So many of you guys want more traffic right?

OK lor, I'll give you more traffic than you can imagine.

Ip Man Loves Mariah Carey

Ip Man Buy Ramly Burger

Out topic: Grats to A.J. Bangla Stadium WPMO champ as on Friday night. 4th round KO win.

Names

OK, here, we don't really have any impressive names unless if your ma and pa goes nuts and named you Tiu Nia Sing or Chow Chee Bai (in case if you're Indian, Kaninabu applies). Was reading Cracked.com's article of "9 Manliest Names In The World" and seriously, some people have names that can kick the combination of our Chinese, Malay AND Indian name's asses. Just mentioning their names is enough to give you an idea of Chuck Norris' foot on your surname's face. You can read them from the link, no point typing them out.

You know at times in Facebook you add people up just for the sake of some games so you'll have enough people with you to meet the requirement for the next level thing? I know Rachael's account is full of those (although its her mom who games, that's one awesome mom you got, Rach). I have one on my list who was on 'green mode' so I browsed her profile to see who that is. Some girl gamer that I added for some Blood-whatshitnot games few months back. Lo and behold...

Dude, if Cracked.com changed their 9 Manliest Names article to 10 Manliest Names, the guy she's dating will be in there, trust me. He brews Troy. You can be any of those 9 names on Cracked, be it Max Fightmaster or Lance Armstrong, your name doesn't brew one whole nation. Or Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom. And there's only one effect you can get from drinking Troy Beer; you'll be standing outside whatever shithole you bought the beer from and shouting "HECTOR" non-stop until the shop owner comes out and dick slap you.

Not fair, Caucasians have bad ass names, we Chinese don't get them :( .. NEVERMIND, that gives me an idea. Tomorrow I'm gonna go and get my surname and chinese name changed. Instead of Tang Y.S it's gonna be..

Ta 7 Lei

Tuts My Barreh

Fuckin A man. Koreans should stick to playing Starcraft, like, really. Abomination of Mariah Carey's Touch My Body. Its like you take that song, and you chuck it into Chernobyl and kaboom another nuclear plant.




I know you love my cock...

LOL Monday

Aduih, I laugh until stomach pain. Translating cantonese to hokkien, but the problem is.... the translator don't really know much cantonese and simply translate.



MA SEONG KI LI JOR KONG AH!

YMCA? Y MCA?

Ang Moh version = Original YMCA by Village People




Asian version = Young Men by Hard Gay Razor Ramon




Malaysian version = Why MCA?

Asswipe...

I wonder how big are the asses of MAS' staffs. Look at the size of their toilet paper.




Bet you can't finish using it even after 6 months of wiping your ass eh? Actually its for their hands after they finish tinkering with the plane's stuffs or moving the stocks in the store room. Come to think of it, Marcie Tan will probably finish using it in less than a week without fail. Since he's so full of shit. Kua kua kua...

A lot of things to do. Finally done with the MAS data transfer thing. Now I need to continue with Matriarch. Have a reputation to live up to, you know? And you can't just abandon a mod when people are watching.

Never Heard

Songs we'll probably never hear in our life.

Korn - Another Prick In The Mall (Another Brick In The Wall)
Metallica - Pedo Of The Day (Hero Of The Day)
Metallica - In-Law Porn (Outlaw Torn)
The Offspring - Original Wankster (Original Prankster)
Prodigy - Stack My Dish Up (Smack My Bitch Up)
Puddle of Mudd - She Mates Me (She Hates Me)
Richard Marx - Right Here Wanking (Right Here Waiting)
Scorpions - Rock You Like A Horlick Can (Rock You Like A Hurricane)
Seether - Token (Broken)
Slipknot - House of The Faggots (Pulse of The Maggots)
Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Bed (Best I Ever Had)
Aerosmith - I Don't Want To Piss A Fling (I Don't Want To Miss A Thing)
AFI - Girls Got Prey (Girl's Not Grey)
Avril Lavigne - Sot Sot (So Hot)
Avril Lavigne - Constipated (Complicated)
Beyond - Paralyze (Paradise)
Blink 182 - I Diss You (I Miss You)
Blink 182 - The Cock Show (The Rock Show)
Buckcherry - For The Woosies (For The Movies)
Crazy Town - Resolving Pores (Revolving Doors)
Eric Clapton - Bears In Heaven (Tears In Heaven)
Eric Clapton - My Father's Pies (My Father's Eyes)
Faith Hill - There You'll Pee (There You'll Be)
Fergie - Pig Furs Don't Fry (Big Girls Don't Cry)
Good Charlotte - Keep Your Pants Off, My Girl (Keep Your Hands Off My Girl)
Hoobastank - Prawling In The Park (Crawling In The Dark)
Hoobastank - The Peasant (The Reason)
Linkin Park - Somewhere I Lelong (Somewhere I Belong)
Jennifer Lopez - Let's Get Lewd (Let's Get Loud)
John Mayer - Your Todi Is Wonderland (Your Body Is Wonderland)
Kenny G - The Torment (The Moment)
Justin Timberlake - Fry Me A Beaver (Cry Me A River)
Celine Dion - My Fart Will Go On (My Heart Will Go On)
LeAnn Rimes - Wife Goes Off (Life Goes On)
Michelle Branch - You Pet Me (You Get Me)
Billy Myers - Miss The Train (Kiss The Rain)
Chamillionaire - MYDIN's Dirty (Ridin' Dirty)
Enrique Iglesias - Mai Lah, Boss (Bailamos)
The Bangles - Eternal Lame (Eternal Flame)
Killswitch Engage - The Fan of Buttache (The End of Heartache)
MLTR - Wake Me To Your Fart (Take Me To Your Heart)
Stevie Wonder - I Just Called To Say I Loath You
Christina Aguilera - Teenie In A Motel (Genie In A Bottle)
Britney Spears - Oops I Married Again
Rihanna - Ambik Lah (Umbrella)
Robbie Williams - Fatter Man (Better Man)
Rod Stewart - When I Kneed You (When I Need You)
Roxette - Listen To Your Fart (Listen To Your Heart)
Switchfoot - Dare You To Moon (Dare You To Move)
Tatu - All The Thongs She Wear (All The Things She Say)
Blink 182 - Feeling Tits (Feeling This)
Christina Aguilera - I Turn To Jew (I Turn To You)
Christina Aguilera - Cum All Over (Come On Over)
Michael Jackson - Beli Jin (Billie Jean)
Michael Jackson - Pedo Young Things (Pretty Young Things)
Michael Jackson - The Lad In My Ranch (The Lady In My Life)
Michael Jackson - I Just Can't Stop Luring Kids (I Just Can't Stop Loving You)
Michael Jackson - Don't Stop Till You Get Enough (Kids)
Michael Jackson - You Are Not Ah Long
Michael Jackson - The Lost Children (In My Bed)
Michael Jackson - I Can't Help It (Touching Them Kids)
Michael Jackson - Wanna Be Startin' Pedo'in (Wanna Be Startin' Somethin')
Michael Jackson - The Nose Is Mine
Michael Jackson - Another Part of Me (Fell Off My Face)

What A Wonderful World

The 4 Pukis of the world...

You mean wounded & infected leg or the real thing?

We look South to find Lampa, no need latitude longitude...

The only place where scolding someone's mother will be greeted with "YES YES YES!!!"...

If this dissertation is submitted in Malaysia, I pity the student...

This is called "Pimping on Ebay"...

An island full of ass and pussy...
*packs luggage and grabs passport*

What a wonderful world. Even Louis Armstrong is smiling.

Made In Where?

If "Made In China" can pirate western artists like how they copycat the electronics/gadgets.

LeAnn Rimes

Nelly Furtado


James Morrison


The Prodigy


Motley Crue


Robbie Williams


Dr. Dre


Marilyn Manson


Akon


... and the schizophrenic one

50 Cent


So bored I'm listening to this for the 20th+ time tonight...

Are you fuckin happy now?

Malaysian Acronyms

JPJ - Jabatan Pencuci Jamban
DBKL - Dua Bangla Kena Lokap
MPSJ - Memang Pandai Sapu Jalan
PDRM - Pandai Dia Rasuah Mari
POLIS - Pasal Orang Lain Ia Sibuk / Professionals Only Like Issuing Summons
BOMBA - Bapa Orang Meraba Bontot Amoi
JAIS - Jangan Asyik Ingat Seks
JKR - Jabatan Kebas Ragut
EPF - Encik, Pinjam Fulus
KPWKM - Kami Pukul Wanita Kerana Marah
SIRIM - Saya Ingat Rambo Itu Melayu
PAS - Pastikan Anda Sexy
ISA - Ingin Sangat Anwar
FELDA - Father Engkau Lancapkan Dugong Aku
TUDM - They Unanimously Died Masturbating
MARA - Mak Awak Rogol Aku / Monkeys Are Rare Animals
MIC - Monkeys In Cage
MCA - Mou Chin Ah..
KASTAM - Kalau Aku Saman Tentu Ada Money
FINAS - Film Is Not Always Successful
IMR - Institut Mencipta Racun
DBP - David Beckham's Palace
SJMC - Saya Juga Mahu Cibai / Saya Jual Medical Cert
KTM - Keretapi Takde Masa
KBS - Kami Bukan Sportsmen
FAM - Football Akan Merana
KTKM - Kehabisan Tenaga Kerana Melancap
KESAS - Kereta Engkau Sekarang Ada Syaitan
LDP - Langgar Dengan Proton
IJN - Institut Jual Najis

James @ War

The new Weird Al Yankovic. This guy's a gem. Just watch these 2 videos.

Popstar (parody: Nickelback's Rockstar)

Blame Halo 3 (parody: Akon's Blame It On Me)

Ah Boy's Sex Lesson

Was in Innit for a while yesterday night. Conversation somehow turned a bit to the senget side after a while. There was "facial protein treatment", slow and steady, forgotten one night stand, P.E (not Physical Education, its Permanent Erection), etc etc. Today I tell you about guy's sexual journey according to speed. Very simple, we use movies for example.

First, if you don't watch porn you memang abnormal for a guy. Its the "foundation" for the first time you know? If my future son don't watch porn I'll be scared. Scared his first time he don't even know he's poking at the girlfriend's belly button and keep on trying to get it in. Later charged for manslaughter how? You know those porn lah, all humping like rabbits one. Here is an introduction from a guy's first time until understanding the difference between sex and making love (at least this ability to create flowchart show I didn't waste my college fees).

OK. First time, noobs will skip the order of the movie a bit. Jump straight to the 2nd movie, 2 Fast 2 Furious. At this stage, they will blow either their gearbox or their engine before reaching the finishing line. Ah, something like the 20 Yatz Thunderbolt.

"Haven't finish already blow engine"

Next they will learn the history, they go and "buy the prequel". They start doing it The Fast and The Furious or FnF for short. Now, no more blown engine or gearbox or fried piston rings and manage to get to finishing line in very fast time. In between some nitrous are also injected to enhance speed.



With more experience, they start to be like the third movie, Tokyo Drift. In straight line they pick up speed but learn to slow down as well. Learn when to pull the handbrake and using the brakes at certain times, do fancy fancy drifts and not normal turns that make the girls go wow.

Finally when they finish all 3 movies and don't fancy racing anymore, they opt for a muscle car. Slow and steady or SnS. This final stage take very long at first, then halfway start picking up steam, reach destination safely, and the lady will heave a sigh of relief at the end of the safe journey. See ah, this is why Shar (Racoon) is correct when she said 'slow and steady win the race'. You all watched Nicholas Cage's Gone In 60 Seconds right? Then you know this Mustang below is called Eleanor. Mustangs are muscle cars, unlike Japanese tuners (Evo lah, RX8 lah, Supra lah, GTR-R34 lah).

See ah, guys who reach the SnS stage usually are like muscle cars more. They got not much pick up when starting, unlike tuners that can start off the race very fast. But halfway through a drag race, the muscle car got only 1 word to win a race: TORQUE. Like what my friend Kean Wee last time said "Mei kok che tou la mei kui geh torque tai lan yao lek jor pin tou joi dou?" or "American muscles when it reach quite far its torque is too powerful where can chase?".

But then, some people after they finish all 3 movies, they don't get to the SnS stage. They end up wanting more horsepower, more torque, more giant NOS tanks in their backseat. The girl end up a nympho and the guy a sex addict in simpler terms. That one, we'll refer to a new movie.

Racing for freedom with the aim to kill. Hai lat lorrrrrrrrrrr.

P/S: No, the blog owner never started with 2F2F and didn't blew his engine before reaching the finishing line.

Beh Tahan. Must LOL

Walaneh. To hear yourself LOL-ing at 6am when its still dark is a bit weird you know. But what to do when something is so fucking stupid and funny. I was browsing Friendster to see which friends updated and I saw this ad on the side bar. It says "Keras Macam Besi" or "Hard As Steel".

I'm Iron Man

I sniggered at the thought of it. Iron dick imagine that, like taking 50 tablets of Viagra in one shot. Then I checked out the website. Lo and behold, the LOL overflowed the moment I click on the "Product" section. Firstly, virgin coconut hair tonic. WTF IS THAT? Something Kenny Sia used to enhance his pubic hair growth to the extent of Zohan's bush when he was still a virgin? Lmfao I cannot imagine, a 12 year old kid putting that on his Christmas wish-list and state "I want to be like Zohan, the girls love the cushion"

Now who wants some poontakhem?

Everything on the site is about virgin coconut. I have no fuckin idea what's a virgin coconut. Unplucked or something I presume. If there are virgin coconuts, then what are non-virgin coconuts? Womannuts or Mannuts? Or Prostinuts? Then I guess very old unopened coconuts should be tagged Nunnuts. Let me give you some examples of a coconut's description from its sex-life, you'll only see it here.

Amateur

MILF @ Stifler's Mom

Gone case

Finally, the Engrish is so fucking laughable at one of the product's page. "Neck husband device" LOL wtf is that? New scientific definition? I suppose they want a Nobel prize for that. "Peak until 3 times", wow, you have an android for a wife or something? Peak. I can only guess the conversation between the seller and his friend.

Seller: My wife last nite peak 5 times. Power, man.

Friend: How fast?

Seller: 0-100 km/h in 4.72 seconds

Friend: Wah lau so fast! 926 horsepower really helps lah.

Seller: Lucky I boost the nitrous also, or else she'll only peak 1.29 seconds later.

Friend: Fuhhhh, got blow gearbox or or not that fast?

Soon the whole world will be silky smooth

Mah chee bye, really beh tahan. I'm waiting. Waiting for them to post a fake testimonial with a pic of Rod Stewart having a 12 inch stiffy and an afro for pubic hair.

Thunderbolt

For those who watch football, you sure know what "thunderbolt" means right? For those who don't watch, it means a very strong long range kick. Usually the commentators or the report will read "This that player struck a 20-yard thunderbolt etc etc". Below is an example of a long shot or thunderbolt from Juliano Belletti, see his body you also know its a very jia lat kick. Hit your head can burst one u know? Big head or small "head" don't matter. The wind so strong until the Tottenham players also fly away.

Belletti

Now our Mr. Jenkin Yat also got his own version of thunderbolt. Imagine this happening in a club.

Yatz: I feel horny lah. Wanna bang a girl hard hard tonight.

Friend: There, that one look very horny.

Yatz: OK, I bring her home.

Then Yat go to talk to that horny slut, buy her a drink or two, then continue to take her to the nearby hotel. Since he wanna bang her hard hard kao kao jia lat jia lat...

Yatz: Be prepared for the 20 Yatz (yards) Thunderbolt !!!



Now imagine you're staying next to his room for that night.

How they do business?

Taken at Cafe Mamus (LG Subang Parade, exit via the donut place, I don't know what its called again). Obviously some itchy hands decided to add something onto the menu. Lol. Set cheaper than non-set bee hoon. Han saw it first, then me and Chris were laughing like mad and "Mahai, how they do business one?" when we saw it and the counter boy didn't even know about it.

Too bad didn't take a pic of this car I saw in Carrefour's car park cos hurrying back. Bloody car lost its number plate so replace with cardboard tied to the bumper with black marker scribbling on it.