What A Wonderful World

The 4 Pukis of the world...

You mean wounded & infected leg or the real thing?

We look South to find Lampa, no need latitude longitude...

The only place where scolding someone's mother will be greeted with "YES YES YES!!!"...

If this dissertation is submitted in Malaysia, I pity the student...

This is called "Pimping on Ebay"...

An island full of ass and pussy...
*packs luggage and grabs passport*

What a wonderful world. Even Louis Armstrong is smiling.

Flak

Something told by one of my teachers in secondary school. This will be a good lesson to those "Yes, Sir!" cows who are led by the nose by everyone around them. In one word, "spineless" people.

A young man was told how beautiful Pablo Picasso's artworks are and he never saw any before. So one day he headed off to the museum to check them out. Walking around, he starts admiring Picasso's artworks. Just like what he heard, he find all the artworks are beautiful. He stopped at every artwork and admire them for a long time. Finally he reached the last artwork (picture below). When he stopped at the last artwork, there was an old man looking at the artwork with a weird look on his face.

Young man: Very impressive artwork isn't it? They're all so beautiful and marvellous.

Old man: You call this beautiful and marvellous? It's not even nice.

Young man: What are you talking about? This is the work of Pablo Picasso, one of the greatest artist ever.

Old man: Ok. Are you married?

Young man: Yes, why do you ask?

Old man: So, tonight when you get home, your wife is waiting for you at the window. When she turns around she looks just exactly like this drawing, beautiful isn't she?

Reading FM09 Guide

If you're playing Football Manager 2009 already, you're probably testing your Premier League team. As big as a Chelsea supporter I am, I don't play my team, I prefer teams with more target. The Coca Cola Championship precisely. This time my pick is Reading while in 08 my team was West Bromwich Albion (WBA) which is already back in the big show this season.

Starting benefits:
1. 5m transfer budget which is sufficient to revamp the whole team if you get the right player
2. Strongest pair of central defense in the championship - Andre Bikey & Khalifa Cisse
3. Good overall cover for 2nd string players
4. Superb captain in James Harper, on the central midfield
5. Reliable keeper in Marcus Hahnemann (if you don't wanna get any keeper)
6. You've got very-wanted players
7. Consistent strikers in Shane Long and Kevin Doyle


Selling:
Not many will sell because of their big player / major name mentality from playing in the premier league for too long. Players that you can sell to boost your transfer powah:

1. Leroy Lita for 1m
2. Gylfi Sigurdsson for 400k
3. Adam Federici for 800k
4. Sam Sodje for 300k
5. Bobby Convey for 2.2m
6. Michael Duberry for 500k
7. Ivar Ingimarsson for 1m
8. Liam Rosenior for 1.5m

Total income will be 7.7m although some will be pending on monthly installment. Of course you can sell for more especially Rosenior and Convey, I was more eager to push them out the door. Plus that with your 5m, now you have 12.7m to spend to revamp the whole team. Besides, you need to balance the wage budget for your new army.


Buying:
Don't go buying English players, cos you can't afford the good ones, and the ones you can afford are crap. Reading like any other team have 2 problems; right wing and right back. Opt for smaller nation's players although sometimes you can find a freak in Serie C2 of Italian league as well. Now you need 2 central defenders to cover if you set the DCs' tackles to "hard". Bikey and Cisse is very yellow-card prone and ban-prone. For central defenders I opt for:

Center Back
1. Hamed Diomande. Ivorian 20 years old for 350k, no work permit problem
2. Alexander Rajcevic. Slovenian 21 years old for 325k

For my left and problematic right back, I opt for good physical stats especially pace and acceleration. I brought in 4, with another on January window.

Full Backs
1. Peter Masilela. 23, South African for 525k. You're missing out big time if you play the Championship without him.
2. Vasco Regini. 18, Italian from Serie B for 400k.
3. Janvier Besala. 19, from Congo for 850k
4. Tumelo Nhlapo. 20, South African for 160k
5. Jair Iglesias, 27 Peruvian for free

Solved the defense problem, now move on to midfield. Most of the kids don't cut it, so cut them off. After hunting and testing, I stick to:

Central Midfielders
1. Mascio, 17 y/o Italian from Italian Serie C2. This kid is going to be a monster in 2 years, unbelievable stats. You can snitch him for about 100k or less.
2. James McCarthy, 17 y/o from Ireland for 1.6m. Tad expensive but worth it. Consider him a replacement for James Harper when you ship Harper out in January for 4m+.
3. Tinashe Nengomashe, 26 defensive midfielder from Zimbabwe for 550k. Awesome defensive, mental, and physical stats

I'll probably need another one or two but I'll wait till January window opens before hunting in lower leagues again. Now wings, I opt for medium speed and high technicals.

Wingers
1. Nicola Madonna, 21 y/o Italian for 600k from Serie B. Free kick specialist when Mascio is not playing.
2. Anderson Cueto, 18 y/o Peruvian for 250k on the left wing.
3. Jakub Mares, 21 y/o Czech for 650k as cover

Keep Stephen Hunt for now until January window, then ship him out and get a new left winger. Ahmed Samir Farag from Egpyt or Banahene from Ghana can be a good player in Championship. Now my favorite part, strikers. 3 new buys are all unknowns, but very effective so far irregardless what pair I play them in.

Strikers
1. Javier Acuna, 20 y/o from Paraguay for 950k. Expensive but worth it due to his silky runs and great physical stats.
2. Opoku Agyemang, 19 y/o from Ghana for 350k. His stats are deceiving. This is the all new Ruud Van Nistelrooy + Nicholas Anelka for the Coca Cola Championship. Very good timed runs for diving headers and poacher.
3. Denis Maccan, 24 y/o Italian from Serie B for 500k. Good technical and mental stats but consider a slow type of striker. Very deadly if someone like Doyle or Acuna can open up space for him.


Come January window, sell Harper for 4m plus, the 2 Hunts for a couple of millions, and some other fringe players to "fix" your financial status. That's all. More goodies soon.

Made In Where?

If "Made In China" can pirate western artists like how they copycat the electronics/gadgets.

LeAnn Rimes

Nelly Furtado


James Morrison


The Prodigy


Motley Crue


Robbie Williams


Dr. Dre


Marilyn Manson


Akon


... and the schizophrenic one

50 Cent


So bored I'm listening to this for the 20th+ time tonight...

Are you fuckin happy now?

Long Dick - Benefits

The benefits of having a super long dick.

Malaysian Acronyms

JPJ - Jabatan Pencuci Jamban
DBKL - Dua Bangla Kena Lokap
MPSJ - Memang Pandai Sapu Jalan
PDRM - Pandai Dia Rasuah Mari
POLIS - Pasal Orang Lain Ia Sibuk / Professionals Only Like Issuing Summons
BOMBA - Bapa Orang Meraba Bontot Amoi
JAIS - Jangan Asyik Ingat Seks
JKR - Jabatan Kebas Ragut
EPF - Encik, Pinjam Fulus
KPWKM - Kami Pukul Wanita Kerana Marah
SIRIM - Saya Ingat Rambo Itu Melayu
PAS - Pastikan Anda Sexy
ISA - Ingin Sangat Anwar
FELDA - Father Engkau Lancapkan Dugong Aku
TUDM - They Unanimously Died Masturbating
MARA - Mak Awak Rogol Aku / Monkeys Are Rare Animals
MIC - Monkeys In Cage
MCA - Mou Chin Ah..
KASTAM - Kalau Aku Saman Tentu Ada Money
FINAS - Film Is Not Always Successful
IMR - Institut Mencipta Racun
DBP - David Beckham's Palace
SJMC - Saya Juga Mahu Cibai / Saya Jual Medical Cert
KTM - Keretapi Takde Masa
KBS - Kami Bukan Sportsmen
FAM - Football Akan Merana
KTKM - Kehabisan Tenaga Kerana Melancap
KESAS - Kereta Engkau Sekarang Ada Syaitan
LDP - Langgar Dengan Proton
IJN - Institut Jual Najis

Tulan

7 deadly sins. Very interesting. We all have, the difference is just which "department" each person have more than the other. Let's see, out of the 7 (Vanity/Pride, Wrath, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Envy) Wrath will probably be my worse trait. Wait, it is what I am born with (or inherited from the old man). You can't blame me when human being are just plain stupid. I'm not violent by nature, just very twisted. Now, the slightest thing that will tick me off (its far beyond "irritate") will be:

1. Drivers who take their own sweet time on the road. If you get rammed head on by a trailer I'll get down from my car to laugh at you first, take down your car plat number, and proceed to buy 4D.

2. People who make those chiap chiap chiap noise while eating. Parents never teach you table manner is it?

3. Egoistic people who brag about simple achievements (as in owning this & that stuff or kindergarten kid's abilities).

4. Body contact with anything that clutters my leg space. Short tables, stuffs on the floor.

5. Stupid, obvious, questions. "Does it (tattoo) hurt?" included.

6. Things that I construct fall apart halfway. Paper mache, furniture are two of the most
common.

7. Slipping chairs, even if I don't fall off it. They don't bounce so well off the wall.

8. Double parkers. Just itching for some paint stripper (read yesterday's post) on their fucking cars.

9. Kids crying. Whenever that happen, I just take a side panel and jigsaw into the washroom (since it echoes) and make the kid cry louder.

10. People who just walk so fucking slow. Waiting for reincarnation is it?

11. Technical glitches, pc crashing and lagging, slow-running programs. Or even mouse pointer getting in my way.

12. Bumping into edges of furniture or door knobs. Pain automatically signals anger.

13. People nagging. Mom's included. You'll get your share of "give and take".

14. Sitting at the same table as someone who boast like nobody knows its bull and cock. Too bad if I have to put you down in public, really loud.

15. People blocking my view especially at cinema or while watching football.

16. Fickle-minded people. You either decide early or you don't get what you want at all, period.

17. Stupid jokes. You wanna make a joke at me its fine, I can laugh at myself. But if you do it very poorly, you're in for something.

18. Stupid parents. You just don't bring your kids to smoking section of a restaurant, or let your kids play with near-empty spray cans, or put screwdrivers in their mouth you dumb cunts.

19. Spilling stuffs. This is beyond explanation. I need Mulder and Scully's help in debunking this.

20. People repeating themselves. We hear you correct in the first place. We ignore if it means nothing. Now shut the fuck up.

21. Dumb fucks kicking my chair in the cinema. Again, irritation is an understatement for this.

22. What's worse than being in a room with a dumbass? Being in a room with a smart ass. You only prove its empty up there when you open your mouth a lot.

23. Irritation to body parts especially throat and nose. Pisses me off to the point I feel like cutting them off or tearing them out if they are changeable like car spare parts.

24. Wrong number calls. If I tell you wrong number, fuck off, don't start double-asking or confirming the number again. I don't have time nor patience for stupid people.

25. People touching or shifting my stuffs. When I leave my things that way, I expect it to be THAT way when I need it, be it 5 months from now.

26. Emo faggots. You cut your arms so many times yet you don't dare to take that one decisive cut. Fucking waste of food source if you ask me.

27. Sick people. If you are sick, stay the fuck at home. Don't come out telling everyone how sick you are, and then pull a fuckface the whole day.

28. Not getting my stuffs in time. If you told me I'm gonna get it by tomorrow, it better be there tomorrow, not a day more.

29. Framing/blaming me on things I don't do. This will be the number one source. You don't wanna do that, like, really.

30. Talking religious to me. I'm a free thinker, I'm fine with what I believe in, don't try to change my mind because having faith in yourself can pull you through almost anything. Since you yourself started what got you knee deep in the shit.


That pretty much sums it all. There are more but less severe cases. Like what Jeff said "You can't kill some people just because its illegal". When that moment comes, you really can give a flying fuck to that line.

Ouch: Paint Stripper

I'm having a new section (Ouch) entitled to chemicals and their stray-from-intended-purpose usages. Went to Pyramid to get something very useful for modding, and other mischievous purposes. Kids, this is a can of paint stripper. 1 liter for RM18.90, its a pretty good deal considering what we can use it for. Oh no, I don't plan to just "strip paint coatings" with it.

You know how cheap things are much much more hazardous and harmful to the human compared to more expensive ones. The expensive ones tend to be free of this and that chemical but cheap ones, they just chuck the motherload in as long as its very effective. Let's have a little show-and-tell on what it can do with just a little bit. First, the victim will be an old spare side panel that I grabbed from Chris' shop for spray paint testing.

Now with a brush, slowly transfer the sticky oily substance onto it. You wouldn't wanna pour it directly, the opening sucks and it tend to leak to the side.

With a medium coat, we wait. Not for long, not even a minute later the layer of paint starts to have nationwide erection.

Take a scrapper, scrap it off. There's 3 layers of paint here that I tested on; the beige (stubborn stock paint for the panel), black, and red oxide that I do some painting experiment on. In less than a minute.

Now you see what it can do on what we assume is its usage, it can pretty well do other stuffs. Chris didn't know such thing exists (wtf for a 31 year old guy???) and he asked me what it does. We had the same thing in mind, if someone offends us on the road and I got that thing in my hands, he's gonna have a chrome colored patch in less than 5 minutes. Well, its written on the can its for automotive paint as well, so too bad if you happen to irritate me on the road. Or I might just get its elder brother, aircraft paint stripper which is much stronger.

Nice eh for your car?

Secondly, I was in the side panel's shoes before. Once was a large smear near my right calf tattoo, the other was yesterday when it sprinkled across my thigh while I opened it. Boy, you don't want that on any part of you no? In less than 3 seconds it starts doing a KFC combo meal of burn-and-sting and I have to wash it off immediately (although I'm very interested to see what it can do to human skin).

So.. if you offend me, and are "smart" enough to tempt me to get out of the car, you'll be my first live experiment. I don't know what it'll do with large dose on long period unwashed. Don't worry I won't douse you with the whole can, just enough to cover your face and neck area. Can someone confirm whether it eats flesh? So I can use it sometimes.

I have patience for a lot of things but just not human and technical issues.

No Photo? No Problem.

Sometimes when you go for interviews they'll ask you to bring 2 passport photos. I mean, come on, not that I'm 100% sure I'm gonna get the job, or worse, 100% sure I WANT the job. What do they need the photo for? You see me in real life when I walk in. WORSE, once they hire you they'll ask for another 2 photos for your employee ID card. What happened to the previous 2? Buried in between crossroad to make a deal with the devil under my alias along with that photostated copy of my IC and even my previous payslips? Usually I'm not really bothered with passport photos. Hey, not cheap ok and I don't really like taking photos alright?

So that day some lady call me to go for this bank's interview, they're setting up a new division. Feels like shit when you have to go back to the shitty brown colored building that you used to walk in for 10 months during your 2nd job. Its like a short introductory stuff but the hiring manager will decide you suit this blablabla department and then if there'll be a 2nd interview blablabla. They told me earlier in the email to bring 2 photos. Got none, not gonna get none. Off I went and fuckin A... there's a box on the form asking me to attach my fuckface on it. So fuck it...

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Oh hi there! Is you Madonna?

Yes, I have a square face with a killer smile and the words "Attach Photograph Here" tattooed on my forehead. Now have a fuckin nice day and weekend... fuckfaces.

James @ War

The new Weird Al Yankovic. This guy's a gem. Just watch these 2 videos.

Popstar (parody: Nickelback's Rockstar)

Blame Halo 3 (parody: Akon's Blame It On Me)

Ah Boy's Sex Lesson

Was in Innit for a while yesterday night. Conversation somehow turned a bit to the senget side after a while. There was "facial protein treatment", slow and steady, forgotten one night stand, P.E (not Physical Education, its Permanent Erection), etc etc. Today I tell you about guy's sexual journey according to speed. Very simple, we use movies for example.

First, if you don't watch porn you memang abnormal for a guy. Its the "foundation" for the first time you know? If my future son don't watch porn I'll be scared. Scared his first time he don't even know he's poking at the girlfriend's belly button and keep on trying to get it in. Later charged for manslaughter how? You know those porn lah, all humping like rabbits one. Here is an introduction from a guy's first time until understanding the difference between sex and making love (at least this ability to create flowchart show I didn't waste my college fees).

OK. First time, noobs will skip the order of the movie a bit. Jump straight to the 2nd movie, 2 Fast 2 Furious. At this stage, they will blow either their gearbox or their engine before reaching the finishing line. Ah, something like the 20 Yatz Thunderbolt.

"Haven't finish already blow engine"

Next they will learn the history, they go and "buy the prequel". They start doing it The Fast and The Furious or FnF for short. Now, no more blown engine or gearbox or fried piston rings and manage to get to finishing line in very fast time. In between some nitrous are also injected to enhance speed.



With more experience, they start to be like the third movie, Tokyo Drift. In straight line they pick up speed but learn to slow down as well. Learn when to pull the handbrake and using the brakes at certain times, do fancy fancy drifts and not normal turns that make the girls go wow.

Finally when they finish all 3 movies and don't fancy racing anymore, they opt for a muscle car. Slow and steady or SnS. This final stage take very long at first, then halfway start picking up steam, reach destination safely, and the lady will heave a sigh of relief at the end of the safe journey. See ah, this is why Shar (Racoon) is correct when she said 'slow and steady win the race'. You all watched Nicholas Cage's Gone In 60 Seconds right? Then you know this Mustang below is called Eleanor. Mustangs are muscle cars, unlike Japanese tuners (Evo lah, RX8 lah, Supra lah, GTR-R34 lah).

See ah, guys who reach the SnS stage usually are like muscle cars more. They got not much pick up when starting, unlike tuners that can start off the race very fast. But halfway through a drag race, the muscle car got only 1 word to win a race: TORQUE. Like what my friend Kean Wee last time said "Mei kok che tou la mei kui geh torque tai lan yao lek jor pin tou joi dou?" or "American muscles when it reach quite far its torque is too powerful where can chase?".

But then, some people after they finish all 3 movies, they don't get to the SnS stage. They end up wanting more horsepower, more torque, more giant NOS tanks in their backseat. The girl end up a nympho and the guy a sex addict in simpler terms. That one, we'll refer to a new movie.

Racing for freedom with the aim to kill. Hai lat lorrrrrrrrrrr.

P/S: No, the blog owner never started with 2F2F and didn't blew his engine before reaching the finishing line.

Beh Tahan. Must LOL

Walaneh. To hear yourself LOL-ing at 6am when its still dark is a bit weird you know. But what to do when something is so fucking stupid and funny. I was browsing Friendster to see which friends updated and I saw this ad on the side bar. It says "Keras Macam Besi" or "Hard As Steel".

I'm Iron Man

I sniggered at the thought of it. Iron dick imagine that, like taking 50 tablets of Viagra in one shot. Then I checked out the website. Lo and behold, the LOL overflowed the moment I click on the "Product" section. Firstly, virgin coconut hair tonic. WTF IS THAT? Something Kenny Sia used to enhance his pubic hair growth to the extent of Zohan's bush when he was still a virgin? Lmfao I cannot imagine, a 12 year old kid putting that on his Christmas wish-list and state "I want to be like Zohan, the girls love the cushion"

Now who wants some poontakhem?

Everything on the site is about virgin coconut. I have no fuckin idea what's a virgin coconut. Unplucked or something I presume. If there are virgin coconuts, then what are non-virgin coconuts? Womannuts or Mannuts? Or Prostinuts? Then I guess very old unopened coconuts should be tagged Nunnuts. Let me give you some examples of a coconut's description from its sex-life, you'll only see it here.

Amateur

MILF @ Stifler's Mom

Gone case

Finally, the Engrish is so fucking laughable at one of the product's page. "Neck husband device" LOL wtf is that? New scientific definition? I suppose they want a Nobel prize for that. "Peak until 3 times", wow, you have an android for a wife or something? Peak. I can only guess the conversation between the seller and his friend.

Seller: My wife last nite peak 5 times. Power, man.

Friend: How fast?

Seller: 0-100 km/h in 4.72 seconds

Friend: Wah lau so fast! 926 horsepower really helps lah.

Seller: Lucky I boost the nitrous also, or else she'll only peak 1.29 seconds later.

Friend: Fuhhhh, got blow gearbox or or not that fast?

Soon the whole world will be silky smooth

Mah chee bye, really beh tahan. I'm waiting. Waiting for them to post a fake testimonial with a pic of Rod Stewart having a 12 inch stiffy and an afro for pubic hair.

What Day Is It?

I sat in front of the pc reading soccernet when I saw Arsenal 2-1 Man Utd. Then I thought "Shouldn't that match be on Saturday? Today's only Friday what". Moved my mouse cursor to the clock area of the start bar and found out its actually Sunday already. WTF. Lost all sense of time. I didn't even know or can recall what was the last 2 days.

The only thing I remember is I was working for 4 hours cutting the aluminium sheet (AluPanel) for Project Matriarch 3 days ago. Then the following day which was (I think) 2 days ago on Friday and worked only 1 hour cutting the panel. And yesterday which was a Saturday but I thought Friday, I worked 5 hours on the cuttings and then now woke up bloody confused.

I lost my sense of time.

Thunderbolt

For those who watch football, you sure know what "thunderbolt" means right? For those who don't watch, it means a very strong long range kick. Usually the commentators or the report will read "This that player struck a 20-yard thunderbolt etc etc". Below is an example of a long shot or thunderbolt from Juliano Belletti, see his body you also know its a very jia lat kick. Hit your head can burst one u know? Big head or small "head" don't matter. The wind so strong until the Tottenham players also fly away.

Belletti

Now our Mr. Jenkin Yat also got his own version of thunderbolt. Imagine this happening in a club.

Yatz: I feel horny lah. Wanna bang a girl hard hard tonight.

Friend: There, that one look very horny.

Yatz: OK, I bring her home.

Then Yat go to talk to that horny slut, buy her a drink or two, then continue to take her to the nearby hotel. Since he wanna bang her hard hard kao kao jia lat jia lat...

Yatz: Be prepared for the 20 Yatz (yards) Thunderbolt !!!



Now imagine you're staying next to his room for that night.

Time of The Year

Its time of the year again. November. Every year for the past 4 years I've been doing the same thing from November to February. Getting a new tattoo. I will trot to Sg. Wang (previously Spec Body Art when Kelvin was working there), get an outline session on November. Then I will come back on end of December or early January to get half of the tatt shaded. Finally 1 week before Chinese New Year it will be finished and I'll be limping and grinning like an idiot in the office.

Curi tulang while with CIMB

This year, sadly, don't have new skin to wear for 2009 Chinese New Year. Jobless, officially bankrupt as of now. Even if I get a job by this month (hopefully with AMEX) too tied up with my current mod (Project Matriarch) and estimated about 2.5k will be going to my spunking new quad core set up. I actually wanted a Cerberus/3-headed hell hound wrapping up my left thigh on May, but Kelvin was busy and after that I used up the cash. I'm leaving the empty spots behind both calves till I find a suitable design for them.

Before kena operate

I may go under the needle again, for the 5th consecutive year. He still owe me 20% of my left calf. The reaper's cloak is not fully done, the scythe totally untouched, and the hourglass as well. Meh, finishing an old job is not as "kick" as getting a new one. I expect to be fully covered on both legs, back, and sleeve one of my arms by the time I reach 30. Let me see if I can remember when I got each:

August 2004 - 21 years old, Aztec eagle from shoulder blade to shoulder blade, 3/4 back-length vertically. Done in bedroom. That's when I learnt how true Spec's line is: "Good tattoos ain't cheap, cheap tattoos ain't good"

August 2005 - Remember the bad haze time? Just knew Kelvin and went all the way to Segamat to visit him. Touched up my back for 4 hours (and saved it) at his home studio.

Touch up

November 2006 - Yuki (Kelvin's wife) found something that can actually cover half my chicken leg's calf. Thats when I got the Robin Hood-like skeleton hiding behind brick wall on my left calf. Finished a week before CNY 07

Right calf

November 2007 - Ripped something off the net. Its one of the rarest "handsome" grim reaper you can ever find. Only managed to finish the outline before CNY 08. My eldest niece, Zoe, told my sister "Uncle got drawing". LOL.

Left calf

November 2008 - Hope he's free one of these days

Here's a little video that I took myself on my old V3i while he worked on my left calf last year. Didn't feel anything, until the moment the needle says hi to the bone. Cheesus, it turned my bones into joint-vibrators.

Stim or not after watching it? My mom will go like this every year at the Sibu airport:


"AI SI LORRRR... KOO CHAK HWA????"