Bitches.

Tada! Today is Hand Drawn Mean Comic Strip Day. Based on MSN conversation and on the song Babydoll by The Fratellis with their line "Baby doll, do you believe they'll catch you when you fall". Enjoy~~

The End

Matchmaking 101: Furong Jie²

P/S: No, not matchmaking her with Steven Lim!

I feel generous, and am imparting more of my 101 knowledge to the few miserable readers. In today's world, everyone is so busy. So a lot of people have problems finding a suitable tahling. And a lot of people are separated for whatever causes. Since they are a lot of singles around, today I'm gonna teach you how to be a good matchmaker. It takes only 4 easy steps. In today's case study, we'll use Furong Jie Jie. What??? You don't know who The Seal Poser is? Just in case you don't know who she is, let me story story a bit about Furong Jie Jie with some history and some pictures of her.

Part 1: Studying the main subject

Furong Jie Jie is a blogger from China. About 2 years back she wrote a post criticizing Xia Xue, saying her beauty is "fake". And then Furong Jie Jie claims her "natural beauty" is the best. FJJ never fail to come out with outrageous photos, flaunting her outrageously beastly figure. More like, um, ya what Kenny Sia compared one of her photos to; a big-ass seal. Let's take a look at our fellow subject.

DISCLAIMER:
Blog owner is not responsible for all traumas or nightmares after viewing.
View at your own risk.

Turning into Baja Hitam/Masked Rider

"Ah Hollow Man, stop spanking my huge ass!"

KNN, that leg so manly even Adriano also lose

Seriously, China should register her sex as "Male" and let her play in their national football team, and tell the referee those are man boobs. You don't laugh I tell you:

• That size of leg/thigh if take penalty kick and hit the tiang, the tiang also dented and bent.
  
• Hit keeper even worse, bones broken in 14 parts, career ended.
  
• Miss and kena opponent's fans at the back, direct beheading.
  
• During free kicks, the players who form the wall always grab and cover their crotch. No use lah if Furong Jie Jie's the one taking the free kick. Wear steel cup the spring pockets also burst if kena hit.
• Become defender can clear ball in the box very effectively
• Can score from her end of the pitch by taking goal kicks. Banana ball somemore. Take that, David Beckham & Paul Robinson.
  

She can single-handedly lead China's football team to a glorious World Cup campaign.

Part 2: Spotting similarities

OK, now we've understood the primary subject very clearly, time to hunt. We basically need to find someone who can flaunt their "curves" as seriously as her. Secondly, someone with thick enough face to take those kind of photos. Thirdly, gelifying enough to match her gelinessity scale (I give 11 out of 10 for her). No no, like the beginning, its not about Steven Lim. He's too "hemsem" for our Furong Jie Jie. I got a pretty good idea who to pair him up with. No photos for this section. You need to use your logic and an eye for details. If you fail in those 2 brain departments, sorry, you'll cause a divorce very soon.

Part 3: Lining up possible candidates

Pick a few suitors, and then eliminate them one by one. Let's take a look at few rejects for now. Be warned, some suitors may take rejection badly like how the Huang Hun-singing kid in Malaysian Idol did when kena commented "Your singing is diabolical" and "You can't sing". Don't remember the kid? The "Kua ji pai pak ji pai ah!" spec guy? Nevermind.

Reject: Too gay & too young

Reject: She already got her own "bush"

Part 4: Selecting the suitor

Done. Do not just immediately pair up the final winnah with the primary subject (Furong Jie Jie). Because sometimes there might be some surprise package that will pop out from nowhere. Although the suitor is not listed above, he's a shock entry that came into my inbox. And the moment I see his pictures, I know he's The One for Furong Jie Jie.

Kalaktai more hair than my father's head


Onions on head = not edible, dandruff polluted


Onions around crotch = not edible, cock hair polluted

Suitable?

Perfect match made in heaven.

Can I has cheezburgr nao?

Btw, he's called Brother Furong (seriously). But I don't know how long he's been blogging.

Eyelashes 101: Custom Effects

A lot of girls have long eyelashes but donno how to groom them properly which ends up fugly. Some without long eyelashes, they go buy fake ones which are nicely done and make them look pretty. Today I'm gonna teach how to custom make your own fake eyelashes. This is for people with problematic or short eyelashes (my wifey excluded, she buy hers so no need for custom made ones). Beware, comes with side effects when using them. So I'm not to be held responsible if you have problems walking around and bang around tiangs after you wear them.

First of all, what do you need? Very easy, Less than 10 bucks can get d. But in the photo my scissors cost more than 10 bucks lah, you can use any scissors you find. Double tape, any type, but the thick thick black color one is better, more grip. Normal paint brush, the bigger the better.

Cheapskate

If you find black very the normal, nevermind. Ang moh eyelashes like Lindsay Lohan I also can get for you. Replace your normal paint brush with calligraphy brushes. Also very cheap, you can get like RM3.50 for 3 in hypermarkets like Carrefour/Tesco/Giant.

Platinum color, even The Beckhams also don't have

These are few designs you can use. Becareful, if you don't glue hard enough they'll start falling down on your eyes. Copyright k, copyright. Don't simply market them at your flea market stall or I sue you till all your real eyelashes drop off. First design is called the Super Long or Le Pole. Some people just want very extravagantly long ones, long until kua zhang. But make sure not too long, else if you accidentally bump into people you can cause that person to be Chairman... che-meh @ blind @ permanent loss of sight ok?

The second design is called Voting Ticket or Le Fence. Very similar concept to our voting system, pangkah/cross which party you like. Or in cantonese its called "tar-char", and hokkien its "pa si kat". Like Vin Diesel's xXx movie. After you design it slowly, add some gripping glue or superglue also can. Curve it a little and OK lah, there done, now just double tape it to your eyes and kao tim. Now when you walk around people will only take note of your eyelashes. Disadvantages? What? You think don't have? Everything got good and bad what. When you go outside and it rains, the eyelashes will probably end up like this:

Even Dawn of The Dead zombies are afraid of you.

And once that happen, everything you see will look like this:

Eh? How they do business if they put fence here?

So if you fall into manholes or bang into lamp post, don't add me on msn and tell me I screwed up the tutorial.

The sPOMtaneous Post

Lately I feel like doing a bit of travelling. Pombably to Phnom Pomph, new capital of Cambodia. But then for the money that will be used to travel, I can use it for shopping. Since Merdeka is near, I'm sure there's a lot of pomotions around. Too bad no PC Fair, or else can go see those cheo cheo pompasticly-dressed pomoters. Nevermind, I shall check the contacts in my pombook to see who's available to apompany me for a trip. I'm still jobless. Bloody pompany that day die die wanna take me now after 4 days tell me full already. I hope your cb pompany burn and explode.

A bit disappomted with the Premier League result. I thought Pompey will hold MU to a draw or something. I feel damn unpomfortable watching Chelsea play Wigan with only 1 poment of pure genius by Deco. Kept me on the edge of my chair for most of the time. Wigan really made my team looks like pomeranians instead of the rottweilers that ran wild 4-0 on Pompey. These few days really horrible, keep on raining raining raining until now my mods are postpomed because the paper are not dried.

Been having impomnia lately. Can't really sleep till like morning. Body is tired but eyes just refuse to close pomperly. Feel like downloading pomnographic stuffs and watch while waiting to fall asleep. Pombably some old Pomela Anderson pom vids would be nice. You know who is that? Neh, after she "Got Siliconed!" her boobies are like pomelo-sized? Tommy Lee's ex wife? Or pombably go download some National Geographic stuffs on poma vs dalmatian's running speed. Or watch cartoon, My Little Pomy. What to do, Halloween still so far away cannot carve any pompkins when I'm bored. Die la, tomorrow have to be pomctual somemore for breakfast or else Sherry will be late for college. Hmm, later morning I'll pombably have roti pomb instead of roti telur.

Aw shit, ran out of cigarettes again. I pomise someone that I won't smoke in her presence, and I intend to pommit to that pomise. If she find that sweet, then I'll take it as a pompliment lah. I actually pomentarily have no idea on what to write cos the brain is being lazy.

In the beginning 47 POMs are created for the Queen of POMs.

Only one POM to rule them all.

Benjicajess' POM Nite post. Click pic to jump to her bRog.

K lah I feel hungry now need to go out to pomper myself with food. Too bad KFC closed no more Pombo Meals. OK, after writing this entry I really anticipate to be the victim of a pomicide case where the weapom will be napom pomb, a greater version of napalm bomb. And the headlines will read:

"Blogger Jantan Dibunuh Blogger Pompuan".

P/S: Do not spom my chatbox please.

Update: HAH! Your attempt to pom-frame me by inserting "is interesting" yourself after quoting me on "child pomnography" is so pom-busted thanks to NN's "Prev" button! Mwahahahahaha.

Mwehehehehe you can't frame me white white. Neh neh.

Scam Mail 101: Replying Them

HAH! I found the way to do labels on classic templates without any BS HTMLs involved! Mwahahahaha. All just by checking where actually the labels links will be called/loaded from. HAH, who say classic template can't have labels and must code hard hard? Got logic ma enough mwahahaha. Oh well back to the topic.

I rarely read these scam mails. Usually I just don't G.A.F. as they'll end up in my junk mail folder where I'll just take a look at the title, mark it, and clear the whole folder. Was checking if AC Ryan or any contacts from BT side regarding my MoTM prize pack. This scam mail however, ended up in my inbox instead with the sender as "WINS!!!!!!" and the subject "CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!".

Nabeh I win 1 million Great Britain "Pounds" (watch this word closely when you read the sent mail from the 2nd picture) but they get more excited than me? Since its in the inbox and I just woke up from my accidental nap with nothing to do (speaker mod still wet) so I decided to give them a reply.

The original mail

My cheo reply

Who cares what they can dig up from my reply (since all my bank accounts are always less than 5 bucks, all cash with me). As long as I don't let my brain rest when I'm awake that is enough for me and I'm having fun irritating the shit out of these people. They'd probably go "Oh, reply!" and have the cat-with-4-mice-on-head look ("Chamillionaire? Bah") and wish its an upside down text email.

Like the super accurate fengshui master told me:

"You can sit for 8 hours at work but during that 8 hours
your brain is working for 10 hours or more"

Well, he sure knows me better than everyone by just looking at numbers :)

Chamillionaire? Bah.

Who don't know Chamillionaire with his bling bling teeth and his hit song Ridin' Dirty? Outdated. There's a new rapper in town that can change color and hairstyle faster than even Bollywood actors/actresses. Ladies and germs, presenting.

HAMMILLIONAIRE
- Ridin' Dirty -








Weird Al's version: White & Nerdy

Upside Down Post

P/S: Read downside-up lah.

¿ʇəʎ pəʎə ʞɔoɔ əuoƃ ʇ,uəʌɐɥ ¿ɥəɯ pɐəɹ llıʇs uɐɔ llɐ noʎ uuʞ

˙ʎɐpɹəʇsəʎ noʎ pəʍoɥs ı ɔıd əɥʇ əʞıl ƃuıʞɔɐd lɐıɔəds əɥʇ ɹoɟ ɹəddɐɹʍ "ʇɐlıʞ" ʇoƃ oslɐ ɥʇoq ˙ʎpɐəɹlɐ ʇuɐʍ noʎ ʇɐɥʇ xoq ƃƃıɔ uoʇsuıʍ əɥʇ ɟo oʍʇ ʇoƃ ı 'əʇnɔ ɹədns 'ʍʇq ˙*səlʇsıɥʍ* ɹɐl ʇınb oʇ uɐɔ ı llɐ ʎɹʇ llıʍ ı uəɥʇ ʇınb oʇ əɯ ʞsɐ əuoəɯos ɟı ɯɯɥ ˙ɹəʌəu ʎlqɐqoɹd 'ʇınb ll,ı uəɥʍ ouuop ı ˙sɹɐəʎ 9 ɹoɟ ƃuıʞoɯs uəəq əʌ,ı

¿ƃƃıɔ ɹnoʎ ʎnq llıʍ əldoəd ʞuıɥʇ noʎ ɹɐəʎ ʎɹəʌə ƃuısıɹ əɔıɹd oɔɔɐqoʇ ɹoɟ ʇou ɟı ɥɐl uo ɯɐəɹp ¿əuo ɹəqɯnu sɐ sɹɐəʎ 5 ƃuıʇɐɹqələɔ ˙uɐsɐɹəd ʇıq ɐ uoʇsuıʍ puıɟ ı ʇnq ˙ɹɐɔ ƃuəq ɥɐ əʞıl uoəu uoəu ʇɐlıʞ ˙ƃuıƃɐʞɔɐd ɹəddɐɹʍ ʍəu ʇoƃ ʎəɥʇ oooo ˙sʎɐp 2 ʇsɐd əɥʇ loɥʇuəɯ llɐɯ llɐd puɐ llıɥunp pəʞoɯs ʇsnɾ soɔ uoʇsuıʍ ʎnq oʇ ʇuəʍ ı ʎɐpɹəʇsəʎ

˙ʞɔɐd ɐ ɟlɐɥ ƃuıʞoɯs ɹəʇɟɐ ʎʇɐəɥ ləəɟ puɐ səɥɔɐpɐəɥ əɯɯıƃ ʍoɥəɯos ʎəɥʇ ˙əɯ ɹoɟ ɹoʌɐlɟ sʇɥƃıl ou ɹəʌəɹoɟ ʇnq 'loɥʇuəɯ səɯıʇəɯos ˙ɥɐl əƃuɐɥɔ os ɐl əʇsɐʇ əɯɐs əɥʇ ɟo pəɹıʇ ʇəƃ ˙ɟɐəl doʇ llıɥunp puɐ ɯɐɹɐƃ ƃuɐpnƃ oʇ puɐɹq "uɥoɾ" odɐəɥɔ lə əɥʇ ɯoɹɟ 'ʇı pəʞoɯs ı ʇı əɯɐu noʎ ˙puɐɹq əɯɐs əɥʇ ɟo sʞɔɐd 3 ɹəʇɟɐ səɯıʇəɯos ɹo ʎɐpʎɹəʌə səʇʇəɹɐƃıɔ əƃuɐɥɔ ı

˙plɹoʍ əɥʇ əʞıl ʇsnɾ uʍop əpısdn sı ƃuıɥʇʎɹəʌə ʍou ˙"ʇı əlƃooƃ" ʇuıɥ pooƃ əuo əɯ əʌɐƃ əɥ os ˙əlqɐlıɐʌɐ ʇou ʇnq ƃuıɥʇ dɐɯ ɹəʇɔɐɹɐɥɔ uı ƃuıʞool sʇɹɐʇs puɐ uʍop əpısdn ʞɔıu s,uəɹ ʍɐs ʎllɐnʇɔɐ ˙ʇsod uʍop əpısdn uɐ op ll,ı ʇɐɥʇ ʎɐp əɥʇ sı ʎɐpoʇ



˙sdollɐƃ s,əsɹoɥ əʞıl spunos ʇı ɹɐəɥ uɐɔ noʎ uoısɹəʌ ɹəɹɐəlɔ ɐ uo sɯnɹp əɥʇ oʇ uəʇsıl noʎ ɟı ˙ɹəpıɹ ʇsoɥƃ əıʌoɯ əɥʇ ɯoɹɟ ʎʞs əɥʇ uı sɹəpıɹ ʇsoɥƃ s,ʇıɐqɹəpıds ˙ƃuos sıɥʇ əʞıl ı

PC In Our Days

Today's kids are a whole bunch of lucky bastards, no doubt the luckiest little annoying things. Back in the younger days, we soon-to-be-3-piece-old-birds (or some already more than 3 piece) don't have broadband, MSN, Torrent, eMule, Microsoft Office, YouTube or any other bollocks that just pop up in the last few years. We have other wares to use to chat, download any freakin thing, and to play games when I was about 1.5 decades-plus younger. Lets start of with games.

Gaming & hardwares

You lucky bastids nowadays got all new shiny graphic cards by the age of 10 and can play games with great graphics. Back then? We were running on DOS and Windows 2.1x or if more advanced Windows 3.0. The kick ass game with that time's so-called kick-ass graphic: Doom 2, although don't follow up on Doom 3 cos not really a fan of FPS since I ended Counter Strike days. There were Voodoo cards by 3dfx, which eventually was "consumed" by the company a lot of people call GeForce instead of Nvidia today. Older than that, you probably need to ask Mike kekekeke.

Back then hardwares were so freakin expensive and an uber slow. A full set of PC (paria speakers, LPPL keyboards, ball mouse, CRT monitor, fugly beige casing, thats all) costs around the region of 4k to 5k. No wonder my old man goes botak so early. There wasn't any "personal specs" type of PC back then. All came out under some screwed up companies that package the whole thing. Eventually people get smarter and starts "pirated PCs" or what we call "clones". You can request for and your specifications can be obtained for the PC. The only difference is, they fake a sticker of one of those companies and stick it on your CPU. So it was just mostly Pac Man (the silly yellow round thing with mouth?), Doom 2, Pinball, Arkanoid, etc etc back then, nothing fancy. I can't recall some other games that I play that gave me a lot of kicks as a kid.

WTF is MMORPG? No idea. WTF is online gaming? Haven't exist. WTF is cyber cafe? Um, place you yum char in space. Lim peh em jai.


Downloading

Nowadays got broadband damn syiok eh? Click only page open, only some freaking graphics extensive page needs to wait but just for a little while. Last time mana ada such thing. We have 56K dial up which if you have is already very the jialat cos the internet fee itself is more than the amount your sister use having phone sex 9 times a day with her boyfriend. Page loads ok considering back then HTML is not so fancy. No widgets, no nonsense bollocks. If you wonder how sites in 1990s looks like, go and check out Steven Lim's site. But be warned, get your shades ready cos one he's disgusting, two the site's so fugly.

You bastardious little things nowadays got Torrents (although Streamyx have limited the dl rate) and other fancy fancy download softwares. We either search high and low until we find a site that can download stuffs with a couple of miserable links, or we hit mIRC on some certain channels (more to that later). But to download a single song, it might take you forever considering how 56k last time was a shared line with your phone line. That means if you connect, house phone is inactive with static noise till someone calls in. When they call in, you'll start cursing cursing cursing and cursing, cos the call disconnects you.

Porn websites? Got, but need membership one. So all "blue tapes" still came from VHS tapes that time. Now 1MB broadband consider fast for single user and you still wanna kao peh kao bu this not good lah that not good ah? Send your whiny ass back to the 56k era see how you survive. Li na beh.


Chatting

As we get a bit more advanced in computing stuffs, comes teh internets for the lulz. No, there wasn't any 4chan, Caturdays, or Lolcats back then. I don't know the existence of chatrooms till I found Comic Chat by around 1996/97. Every PC then by the default comes with this Comic Chat where you take up comic characters and chat in what looks like a comic page. But the uber or king of chatware happens to be mIRC (Microsoft Internet Relay Chat) that time. It's nothing fancy, just a big-ass public chatroom like the chatterbox you bastards are using nowadays, which is much smaller and useless compared to what mIRC can do.

Malaysian IP were banned from one server (I can't remember what name is it) and we all have to jump ship to Dalnet server instead. We can use it as chatrooms, can create our own rooms, and can even download mp3s on some dedicated rooms with some extensive long commands. Don't play play. It has this sort of thing that if you see someone typing you know he's about mid 20s to early 30s. The "/me" command (I don't do online gaming so I don't know if you use that command or not in online games). Basically on mIRC the "/me" will turn to your nick followed by the action (whatever bollocks you typed behind it) in purple. E.g: "/me slaps ABC" will turn out to be "Acey slaps ABC". There are a lot more other commands which I don't remember at all after the damaging classes of programming during my college.

You want voice chats? We have, but not so easy as MSN. We had a software that I can't remember the name. The thing looks like a bloody old school square grey phone, and each user get their own number. You just punch in the other user's number, dial, they answer, and you start talking over the mic. After that comes the more advanced flower-iconed ICQ, which to me is one bloody irritating thing. Everytime a message comes in and if you forgot to turn off the sound alert, it goes "UH OH" every single line. And when you type with the sound on, it goes "TAK TA TA TAK TAK TA TA TA TAK" like a typewriter. And yeah, it keeps on getting disconnected.

KNN, nowadays sometimes MSN cannot log in due to maintanence some people like can die. Last time we have to grit our teeth when phone calls come in and disconnected us in between of chats or downloads. Worse is, I can't curse when the phone call is from a relative and its for the old lady. Cos by the time I finish cursing I'll be out of saliva. She sets the phone on fire with the time length.


Documentation

Microsoft Office? What's that, can eat one is it? We had fugly word or spreadsheet processing stuffs. I remember getting hauled to typing class by the old man (which now I appreciate its usefulness) using WORDSTAR that is no longer in practice. Everytime we wanna save our work for the day, we use this big ass 5.25" disks that we can slap you lucky new-age people with. Seriously, its freakin big. From the transition of the 5.25" to Floppy then to thumbdrives its like from Vinyl to the cassette to CDs. More old school than that is the 8" disks which I never seen. Anyone have it?

If you wanna do spreadsheets, there is the ever confusing Lotus 123 which I cannot understand at all (I guess I already proved I'm bad with maths since I was young). Green and black thing that makes your eyes spin after a couple of minutes. I just can't stand looking at it. Oh well, DOS and old stuffs are meant to be like that. You think got wizard to help you out? Dream on. Anything donno, ownself go bang wall, drill a hole on the wall and poke it to find solution. No fancy Mr. Paper Clip popping up "Hi, do you need any help on writing an article on fapping?". No keh kiang stuffs like "Do you mean (insert word that you don't need)".

If you type halfway without saving and suddenly blackout jalan lor your hard work. Last time mana got autosave one?


There is nothing else I can think of right now. That's all before you fall asleep on computers during my time. Those people older than me probably gonna say "You also lucky bastard, got computer to use, last time we only play guli!". But I also played guli and riding bicycle around the house compound before I had my first PC.

Attention Whore Style

I forgot what's the time. I was bored so gone cuckoo with Sherry in Innit's Chatbox. I was practicing something I noticed that goes on a lot in other chatterboxes/chatboxes. People telling the world what they do or are going to do, which literally means jack to most of us there. And some that with their standard one-liner which also... means jack.

acey : sherry - I feel like shitting

sherrymint : acey - thanks for telling. u remind me of someone. lol

acey : oh do i... never know other ppl also share their bowel movements with you

sherrymint : acey- not to me personally, but apparently to the whole world =\

acey : ah shit... so im not the first person to share my bowel movement.. :( Crap

sherrymint : acey- yeah.. well at least u an't as annoying =\

acey : sherry, my bowel is moving to the right...

sherrymint : acey - thx for the update =='

acey : sherry: next post i wanna blog about how many bijik of shit i donated to indah water for my next journey

acey : YAWNNNN

acey : ZZZZZZZ

acey : yawwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnn (polutes air with cigg breath)

sherrymint : u killed everyone =\

acey : awww too bad. bowel movement announcement and yawning can kill one whole cb.. wow kuatnya saya

5kywalker : hey guys, i am going off to bed now....nite all =)

acey : dont sleep till cant wake up ya?

sherrymint : nites walker ^^

sherrymint : acey- keep up the good work! =='

acey : i caught 4 mice on facebook tonight and i collected 11 million bucks for my mobwars im rich

sherrymint : acey - which small kids u con now? ish..

acey : eh i don con small kids one okayyyyyyyyyy the most i kick them and take their chupa chupps only

acey : tat is called the art of growing up a tough man

sherrymint : haito.. must cari ur wifey come control u abit d ==' sangat keterlaluan!

acey : shhhhh don tell her i scared scared

sherrymint : VENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

acey : my wife's sleeping lah. neh neh neh *kicks sherry and takes her nail varnish*

sherrymint : U GIVE ThAT BACK!!! *smacks acey*

acey : *runs*

acey : u...u....smacked me! i tell my wifey to go scratch the foundation off your face tmrw!

sherrymint : *calls police* ROBBER!!!!

acey : i ask my wifey to trim your eyelashes off with mascara first and then eyelash trimmer like how her fren did!

acey : *shoves sherry's nail varnish up ruion's ass* nah go take, its there

sherrymint : wtffffffffff! im gonna ask ven make u stuff ur hand in and get it out!

acey : sherry - nvm, the only one that's gonna suffer is ruion

sherrymint : poor poor ruion =( i hope u have insurance..

acey : he aint j'lo no butty butty insurance

sherrymint : acey- i think he shuld get one =\ hospitals nowadays damn cutthroat

acey : his butt? no nid lah, save the money for wantan mee better, he cant shake it like shakira

sherrymint : acey - how u know he can't shake it like shakira?? maybe he can ler!

acey : if he can i declare him 100% faggoty

sherrymint : acey - whats wrong with being a faggot?? isn't tht your type?

acey : no, im straight *takes off pants* see, no curly

sherrymint : acey - thts what u say now! i bet u secretly get turned on by fags..

acey : sherry - i get more turned on by 1. my wife.. 2. you *shh don tell her*

sherrymint : VEN!!!!!! ur husband ish cheating on youuuuuuuu

acey : eh, bila i cheat on her? im very loyal to her one ok. *turns ah beng* knn, 1314 okay? 1314 4evar!

sherrymint : he con small kids and steal ther chupa chups!!!!!

acey : i told u i don con n steal, i KICK and TAKE their chupa chupps

acey : con is deceiving, i dont stoop that low, steal is also a crime, i take

sherrymint : oops. sorry. my mistake.. acey BULLIES small kids!

acey : kick is not bullying, you never heard before "pain is love"?

sherrymint : acey - plus u stole my nail varnish!!

acey : i ady stick it up ju-on's ass what, up to u wanna take it or not

sherrymint : wait for him to shit it out then im gonna stuff it in ur mouth. ugh

sherrymint : then maybe u'll stop talking crap and polluting the cbox!

acey : um he probably have to get operation on that...

acey : eh im not talkin crap, at least its more meaningful than reporting my bowel movements or yawning lah

sherrymint : oh.. true also la... talk about tht means damn lifeless lor... shyt also wan ask permission. wtf

acey : everyone must agree on that. erm... controlled too tightly guar

sherrymint : they shuld agree! even 1 year old kid also know no nid ask permission if wan to pang sai. just let go! =P

acey : but cannot lah, sometimes i do have to tell ppl i need to shit or if im sleepy, "need the world to evolve around me n my daily activities"

Well, it was quite fun, sniggering as I typed or tried to type like what attention whores do on Innit. Some people know who they are :) All of those above are not edited, except taking out parts where other people are having their convo while we go nuts but...

BUT..

... irregardless of what I said when I was getting high on boredom, my Wifey is still numbah 1 on my list ok?

We will... IF

We will hire a dozen of maids to sit around the house and just to polish half of our leather shoes. They can just sleep anytime they like, go out anytime they like as long as they come back home. If they all look like this instead of our standard maids:

Pole-shining time, mastah?

We will sin badly and go to Hell, willingly being whipped day in day out. We choose mass murderer as our profession and slit every single passerby's throat at any given chance during the night. If all the devils down there are like her instead of what you get in Constantine:

We devils are cam-whores too

We will date more nerds and bimbos, even to the point they irritate us to near-death every single day. We will answer all their stupid questions, help them to even sharpen their pencils if they don't know how. If only they look like these instead of those we see with their noses in their books in the library:

Hey, title's English content's Russian.

Uhuk uhuk, I got new doorbells

We will be the hardest working employees in the company, never take MC, always the first to arrive and the last to leave, and the most loyal employee till our retirement. If only our colleagues look like this instead of covering themselves up from head to toe.

Oh not now, I'm underdressed

We will purposely get sick during the weekends (so we'll still be able to go to work; read above). We will drink whatever bollocks to make us sick and check ourselves into the nearest hospital. If only every nurse looks like this instead of our usual aunty-like nurses.

Where do you wanna stick it up me?

Finally we will marry a woman that threatens us every single second that she'll shoot our balls off if we ever look at another woman. Even if she shoot us once or twice in the ass for the same offence. If only the woman looks like this.

Look at me or I'll shoot your family jewels off

And we will be glad to be fathers if only the little girls are this cool:

Screw you, dad.


In reality.. we really won't do any of the above cos we know what's wishful thinking. True.

Fickle Minded Society

Why do people become fickle-minded? "I want blue color shirt, eh wait, brown nicer. No no, black nicer, universal color". How many times have you heard that kind of conversation? I bet everytime you go out shopping with friends or loved ones sure got that type of situation right? Human being nowadays are really spoilt. We have too much choices around us and we get very fickle-minded when it comes to "which one?". Even condoms.

Titanium-coated got?

Back in our lao peh lao bu's time things are much simpler, and they don't ask much also. It was the mere question of "can afford or cannot afford". That's about it, even can afford also not much choices for you. Now, can afford still wanna kao peh kao bu donno which color nicer, which pattern better, where got more variety, which brand more high class, which lampa bigger, which prostitute sexier etc. If cannot afford, either susah-susah till can or the easy way "Hello, Daddy/Mommy? $$$$ please.". Once can afford, repeat the process again.

Out of so many fickle-minded situations, one can be very costly. Fickle-minded drivers on the road. Left of right, left or right, left lah.. eh no right lah. Bastard, you can cause an accident which will be very inconvenient for the innocent party just because you got pickle sized brain that functions slightly better than a normal calculator ok? Some drivers don't know their way in certain areas and still wanna tie a brick to their accelerator, and then take unexpected turns that they nearly missed. That's even worse than an auntie I encountered before, green light already still in her Kancil combing her hair. Nabeh, rushing home to get screwed by your husband? I usually don't honk, but in that case, she really pissed me off. House no mirror is it? I think must be cracked from excessive usage.


So far, only one question can get me to become fickle-minded. When I'm in Subang, when it's 12pm or 1pm, try asking me "What for lunch?". I'll tell you "anything" before I start deciding. Even Asia Cafe itself got so many stalls, so many restaurants around SS15 area, and more conveniently behind my house got 2 mamak stall and an 7-11. I'll be thinking "Char kuay teow. Don't lah not full one. Chicken rice better. Eh no lah, sien already everyday eat. KFC lah, eh economy not so good. ". It'll go on and on till we actually walk until ANY restaurant, one proclaimed "Ah this one lah" and sit down.

Choices. Even the emos can choose which blade to cut themselves with.

Now you see where fickle-mindedness come from?

Nothing better to blog?

Why multiple people "nag" on a single person when they blog? Pakat one is it? I don't understand, seriously. Don't people have anything else to blog? These few days or for the past one week, 3 names has been used again and again and again and again (repeat till you hear echoes). So much that it's practically used and abused. Michael Phelps, Lee Chong Wei, and Avril Lavigne. Tua ki eh, can see posts regarding to the 3 names popping up like mushroom after the rain. I don't know lah, I lost count, even the top 10 of the day got 3 Avril posts, and at least Josh did a different take on Phelps which is not so repetitive.

What happen lah macha, so sad?
My name used in many blogs. Suey until 4D jump number.

Check-list of probable causes lah:

1. People don't go out one or what nowadays?

2. Does TV rule everyone's life (don't ask me, I rarely waste time on it)?

3. Don't have hobbies or any interests to talk about?

4. Since its the "in" topic of the moment, must blog?

Lin lau hia, seriously don't know which answer is that. Time and time again its all the same. No life meh? Even this jobless ah pek here also see more things in a day than Phelps, Datuk Lee or Avril news lah. So big news is it that Avril kena ban? Even Heineken Party at Chelsea game also kena ban lah until Mike nag non-stop in KSCB lol. Haijoh. Hello, we need entertainments one also lar when it comes to reading. Give us more new stuffs like the KY Brand quiz instead of something that you already see is occupying 5/10 of the first page in Innit.

I sompah, although I already did one LCW (under Good, Not So Good, Bad title), I won't blind blind jump into the river like the rest cos "other people say can grow bigger cock/boobs."

Boohooo nobody blogs about me. They blog about the silver guy :(

Oei blog la about Lin Dan, the gold medallist!

1st Malaysian Modder.

Didn't realize the race was over till the folks at Bit Tech (UK) starts congratulating me on my worklog and the poll page itself. And then someone showed me the front page news itself to end the doubt. I won, mafugga. +8 lead. I just woke up and now its still a bit hard to digest right now. You know all these while my modding path is more or less like Prodigy's Climbatize, slowly picking steam through out the song. First it was a front-page feature and interview on Crim's place (TBCS-US), and then first nominated for MoTM on BT.

When I first checked the list last month I thought "OK, now I'm definitely the biggest underdog in the list". Surprisingly I was leading most of the time, with a -1 to Langer's PrometheusCu once before going back to +3 and now +8. OK now I feel like shouting. The biggest site in deh wurld where a lot of medias are reading. So basically I am the first, wait, the first, wait that;s still not big enough,

THE FIRST,
mafugga is that the largest font size you got to announce this winnah?

THE FIRST Malaysian modder to win any
Bit Tech's Mod of The Month.

Hmm that's about the right size to shout out this news. Here, I'm feeling generous. A round of show on the US$20 mod that took me on a great e-trip (eh hello, I'm even giving you a sneak peek of the mouse mod although its not finished yet ok? See I'm so generous). And hopefully more.

And last but not least, feast your eyes on this. Froop from TBCS sent me this link which got me cock-eyed till I saw what its really about. Give it a try. Worth it for a lol moment.

PEDO BEAR!