Aug 30, 2008

Matchmaking 101: Furong Jie²

P/S: No, not matchmaking her with Steven Lim!

I feel generous, and am imparting more of my 101 knowledge to the few miserable readers. In today's world, everyone is so busy. So a lot of people have problems finding a suitable tahling. And a lot of people are separated for whatever causes. Since they are a lot of singles around, today I'm gonna teach you how to be a good matchmaker. It takes only 4 easy steps. In today's case study, we'll use Furong Jie Jie. What??? You don't know who The Seal Poser is? Just in case you don't know who she is, let me story story a bit about Furong Jie Jie with some history and some pictures of her.

Part 1: Studying the main subject

Furong Jie Jie is a blogger from China. About 2 years back she wrote a post criticizing Xia Xue, saying her beauty is "fake". And then Furong Jie Jie claims her "natural beauty" is the best. FJJ never fail to come out with outrageous photos, flaunting her outrageously beastly figure. More like, um, ya what Kenny Sia compared one of her photos to; a big-ass seal. Let's take a look at our fellow subject.

Blog owner is not responsible for all traumas or nightmares after viewing.
View at your own risk.

Turning into Baja Hitam/Masked Rider

"Ah Hollow Man, stop spanking my huge ass!"

KNN, that leg so manly even Adriano also lose

Seriously, China should register her sex as "Male" and let her play in their national football team, and tell the referee those are man boobs. You don't laugh I tell you:
  • That size of leg/thigh if take penalty kick and hit the tiang, the tiang also dented and bent.
  • Hit keeper even worse, bones broken in 14 parts, career ended.
  • Miss and kena opponent's fans at the back, direct beheading.
  • During free kicks, the players who form the wall always grab and cover their crotch. No use lah if Furong Jie Jie's the one taking the free kick. Wear steel cup the spring pockets also burst if kena hit.
  • Become defender can clear ball in the box very effectively
  • Can score from her end of the pitch by taking goal kicks. Banana ball somemore. Take that, David Beckham & Paul Robinson.
She can single-handedly lead China's football team to a glorious World Cup campaign.

Part 2: Spotting similarities

OK, now we've understood the primary subject very clearly, time to hunt. We basically need to find someone who can flaunt their "curves" as seriously as her. Secondly, someone with thick enough face to take those kind of photos. Thirdly, gelifying enough to match her gelinessity scale (I give 11 out of 10 for her). No no, like the beginning, its not about Steven Lim. He's too "hemsem" for our Furong Jie Jie. I got a pretty good idea who to pair him up with. No photos for this section. You need to use your logic and an eye for details. If you fail in those 2 brain departments, sorry, you'll cause a divorce very soon.

Part 3: Lining up possible candidates

Pick a few suitors, and then eliminate them one by one. Let's take a look at few rejects for now. Be warned, some suitors may take rejection badly like how the Huang Hun-singing kid in Malaysian Idol did when kena commented "Your singing is diabolical" and "You can't sing". Don't remember the kid? The "Kua ji pai pak ji pai ah!" spec guy? Nevermind.

Reject: Too gay & too young

Reject: She already got her own "bush"

Part 4: Selecting the suitor

Done. Do not just immediately pair up the final winnah with the primary subject (Furong Jie Jie). Because sometimes there might be some surprise package that will pop out from nowhere. Although the suitor is not listed above, he's a shock entry that came into my inbox. And the moment I see his pictures, I know he's The One for Furong Jie Jie.

Kalaktai more hair than my father's head

Onions on head = not edible, dandruff polluted

Onions around crotch = not edible, cock hair polluted


Perfect match made in heaven.

Can I has cheezburgr nao?

Btw, he's called Brother Furong (seriously). But I don't know how long he's been blogging.



Blogger JunJun-Riko said...

wtf that man so gross... =.=

August 30, 2008 4:48 PM  
Blogger Spectre said...

dude! I know/surf that brother blog from wingz chatbox. U jaga2 nanti he come & wack u to piece. XD XD XD

August 30, 2008 4:55 PM  
Blogger zє๓ค๔-ﻮคlz said...

brother Furong? Then they were made for each other!

RJJ might be too BHB but I think you shouldn't condemn her liddat laa...

August 31, 2008 12:34 AM  

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