2008

Dear 2008,

You have received 12 disciplinary notices within the past 12 months in conjunction with our conversations about your behavior and monthly performance. Unfortunately, I see no change in your performance. In this year you have fucked up more than 83 times and sucked on all months except July where your contribution won me Mod of The Month.

I rely on a year that is punctual and conscientious about attendance and deadlines. My clients will look elsewhere if I cannot offer them dependable service. You have demonstrated an unacceptable pattern of behavior. It is obvious you failed to follow what your senior, 2007, taught you. This is just like Pinocchio's nose failing to grow longer when he lie, or Andriy Shevchenko's performance when he was with Chelsea; a 30 million flop. Thus, we can no longer continue your employment. This decision is effective immediately. You will be paid 2 front pages of The Star newspaper dated 2nd July 2008 and 1st December 2008.

Our policy is to give only title of position and dates of employment to companies seeking references. You can be assured the details of this situation will remain strictly a company matter. We wish you the best in your future. Oh wait, you're going to expire in less than 10 hours. And I am pleased to inform you that your junior, Mr. 2009, will be replacing you with immediate effect. Now pack the rubbish you brought to the company for the past 12 months and fuck off. Just in case you just wake up while dozing off in your cubicle, this is a termination letter. Now wipe your saliva off the table and get out. Dettol and sponge is in the washroom.

Sincerely,
Acey